The Office Funny Quotes

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The Office Funny Quotes Biography
Does your boss say stupid things? Then you have something in common with Jim, Pam, and the rest of the employees of Dunder Mifflin. Check below for just some of the funny lines thrown out at the office.

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The Office Quotes:

"This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago."
- Michael in Pilot

"I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third."
- Michael in Pilot

"One word, two syllables: Demarcation."
- Dwight in Pilot

"I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself."
- Michael in The Alliance

"This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her."
- Pam in The Alliance

"I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate... no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it... Nike."
- Michael in Hot Girl

"A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meridith or Kevin. I mean who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
- Michael in The Dundies

"TMI? Too Much Information. It’s just easier to say 'TMI'. I used to say "don't go there", but that's lame."
- Michael in The Dundies

"The dundies are kinda like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time so you're kinda there. That's kinda what it's like."
- Oscar in The Dundies

"Yay, Kevin! Woohoo for Kevin, for stinking up the bathroom."
- Pam in The Dundies

"Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a 'ladies room' for a reason. And if you can not behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom."
- Dwight in The Dundies

"This scented candle...andle...andle, that I found in the men's bathroom...room...room, represents the eternal burning of competition... or something."
- Jim in Office Olympics

"I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and have worms."
- Michael in Office Olympics

"I'm like... Mr. Miyagi and Yoda, rolled into one."
- Michael in The Fire

"Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like The Lone Ranger and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was The Lone Ranger and Tonto and Bonto."
- Dwight in The Fire

"I hope the war goes on forever and that Ryan gets drafted."
- Dwight in The Fire

"I'm guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts."
- Pam in Halloween

"I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women - often outdoors in the mud and the rain - and it's possible that a man slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing..."

"The Office" is a nonstop riot; it pairs off the wall characters with the everyday issues of working in an office. This television show is the remake of a British Comedy, but it puts its archetype to shame. The cast of "The Office" is led by Michael Scott, who is played by Steve Carell.
Throughout this show's many seasons it has been known for it's witty, wacky, and one of a kind brand of humor. There were some tough, almost heartbreaking, decisions made when making this list; but with no further delay, here is a list of the top 10 funniest quotes from "The Office."

1. "Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make."

2. "There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "if I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."

3. There's always a distance between a boss and the employees, its just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me.

4. Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.

5. Do I want to be feared or loved? Um... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

6. I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

7. Facts. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

8. "I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate... no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it... Nike."

9. "I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women - often outdoors in the mud and the rain - and it's possible that a man slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing..."

10. "Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil."

"The Office" is one of the funniest television shows you are ever going to have the privilege to watch. If the 10 funniest quotes from "The Office" tickled your funny bone, check out the show. It is funnier that a polar bear in a penguin suit.

The Office Funny Quotes