Funny Hilarious Quotes

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Funny Hilarious Quotes Biography
Funniest best hilarious Quotes ever
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

My train of thought just ran off the track. --- Linda Poindexter

I didn't trip I was just testing gravity.....ya well it still works!

There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side.

I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!

I smile because I have no idea what is going on. -

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

The kids across the street challenged me to a water fight, so I'm currently boiling the water.

The movie 2012 is going to be really funny when we are all watching it in 2013.

Last night I dream I was eating a giant marshmallow... When I woke up my pillow was gone

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and I think to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.

I don’t understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I’m trusting you with my money, you

Coffee just isn't my cup of tea.

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others. -----Confucius

I am in my own little world but it's okay they know me here.

I found a great way to attract money... work!
Curtis D. Tucker

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."
Groucho Marx

An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

It a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
W. Sommerset Morgan
Hilarious funny sayings and quotes. A list of hilariously funny quotes. These funny quotes will make you laugh out histerically into fits of laughter. From funny one liners to short hilarious jokes, they are sure to put a smile on your face. If you know any hilarious funny sayings please feel free to add them!

hilarious funny sayings

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
~ Robert Frost ~
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
~ Franklin Jones ~
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
~ Yogi Berra ~
A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water.

Man has will, but woman has her way.

What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Women make me happy. Once accepting that i will never be able to understand them makes me more happier.

A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.

There are two ways to rule a women and nobody knows them..

I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… just couple of nations not talking with each other.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.

Women sleep on the right side of the bed because even while sleeping they have to be right!

Men will spend 2 bucks on a 1 buck item that they desperately need. Women will spend 1 buck on a 2 buck item that they don’t need at all.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.

You know you have a small apartment when Coco Pops echo.

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?

If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

I went too a restaurant that served breakfast at anytime, so i ordered french toast during the renaissance.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? ~Nigel Rees

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me. ~Song title by Jimmy Buffet

Man was predestined to have free will. ~Hal Lee Luyah

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley

Murphy was an optimist. ~O'Toole's Commentary

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. ~Nicholas Chamfort

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. ~Robert Graves

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ~Douglas Adams

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Today is the last day of some of your life. ~Author Unknown

Without geography, you're nowhere. ~Author Unknown

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

You can't have everything... where would you put it? ~Steven Wright
I don't want to quit drinking because, as they say, winners never quit and quitters never win.
Unknown

Life is so unlike theory.
Unknown

All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
Miguel De Cervantes

As he was valiant, I honor him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
William Shakespeare

Life is a terminal desiese for which there is no vaccination.
Anonymous

Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
Unknown
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have nothing to play with.
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~
I wish that dear Karl could have spent more time acquiring capital instead of merely writing about it.
~ Jenny Marx ~
I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.
~ Ron Kittle ~
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
Anonymous

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Ken Dodd

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
J.B. Morton

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. Anonymous

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
Henry David Thoreau

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!
Eddie Murphy, Shrek

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I found a great way to attract money... work!
Curtis D. Tucker

Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

Man has his will, but woman has her way.
Holmes
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
~ Woody Allen ~
Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly.
~ George Raft ~
There are three ways of losing money: racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain.
~ Lord Amherst ~
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Funny Hilarious Quotes